The Third Reaction

When people find out about our extreme coast-to-coast commuting relationship, we typically get one of two reactions:

  1. Disbelief: “Are you crazy?  Why don’t you just move there?
  2. Empathy: “I know a couple who did this.  The economy sucks.  It must be hard.

After all of this time (13 weeks already!), I got a third one.

I was out to dinner the other night with two close girlfriends (a rarity for me these days).  One of my friends ran into someone she knew and introduced me.  She mentioned our unusual arrangement and I added (a little defensively) that this was just for work reasons.

“It sounds like you are really HAPPILY married” my friend’s friend said.

I didn’t even know what to say to that.  At first, I didn’t even understand what she was getting at there.  Then I got it … some people would be glad to have their spouses far away.  And that made me a little sad.  We are so happy when Chris comes home.  We cry when he leaves.  We talk every day.  We all miss him.  When he is not here, it’s like a part of me is missing.  Bridging the distance drives us each and every day.


What I have learned so far is that this arrangement works best for people who miss each other the most.  Sounds counter-intuitive, right?  The couples who miss each other the most are the ones who work the hardest at keeping in touch … swapping stories of their days, texting photos of projects that the kids did (see below), calling for no reason.


Duct tape bracelets that Allison and I made today. Yes, I did text this to Chris :).

I guess that is why I did not relate to the comment.  And I couldn’t be happier about it.

How do you react to unexpected comments like that? Anything you’d like to add?  I would love to hear from you!


4 thoughts on “The Third Reaction

  1. Let me explain: it would have worked for my now-ex and me at the end, because I didn’t want to be around him anymore. It’s working (although it sucks) for you two because you can’t wait to see each other when the time comes. I think you have to be at the extremes of the spectrum, because it confirms your thoughts. If you were on the fence, it would be easy to stray in order to get “proof” one way or the other.

    The ninja kick needed? Your relationship is no one’s business, and that person had no place making a comment like that-and should have known better. A ninja kick would be a good reminder.

    • Love the ninja kick ;-). What a visual! But you know … you are exactly right in your comments, about needing to be at the extremes to make something like this work. That is another reason that we (privately) agreed to try it out for 1 year … because open-ended would be too much to bear.

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